Couples counselling: understanding the pattern between you
Support for couples of all sexual orientations and genders, including straight and LGBTQIA+ couples. When the same arguments or silences keep returning, we can explore the pattern with room for both of you.
Caught in a familiar cycle
The pattern can leave both people reacting and neither feeling heard.
One of you may reach harder for reassurance while the other retreats to avoid another painful exchange. Or both of you may fight to be heard. Each response can make sense from the inside, while landing very differently with your partner.
I am interested in what each of you is protecting, what you fear will happen, what you hope for and what the pattern leaves unsaid. There is room for two experiences without deciding that one person’s account defines the other.
Your relationship belongs here
LGBTQIA+ affirming. Your identities and relationship agreements matter.
Couples of all sexual orientations and genders are welcome, including straight and LGBTQIA+ couples. You do not need to use a label, be certain about your identity or see yourself named here. Your relationship deserves to be met with respect and curiosity.
I am curious about your language, pronouns, relationship agreements and what connection means to you. I do not assume heterosexual roles, marriage, monogamy or one way of being a couple. The effects of discrimination, coming out, family acceptance and feeling safe can have a place in the conversation when they matter to you.
How IFIO and Imago inform the work
Understand what happens within each person as well as between you.
My couples work uses Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), a couples therapy approach that draws primarily on Internal Family Systems (IFS), alongside ideas from Imago Relationship Therapy. IFIO helps us attend to the protective parts within each of you and the pattern between you. Imago dialogue offers ways to slow communication down and check what has been heard.
Communication, connection and repair
Understanding each other, acknowledging hurt and finding ways to repair.
Both of you need room to be heard. A protective part may speak through blame, criticism or defensiveness. Words may also be received as blame, even when that is not what the other person intended. Sometimes both are happening. We bring curiosity to what is being expressed, what is being heard and what each response is trying to protect. Together, we explore the impact, the feelings underneath and what each of you hopes the other will understand. We can make room for the hurt beneath blame, and for words that describe your experience without turning your partner into the enemy.
Repair includes acknowledging impact and taking responsibility, alongside understanding. Different needs, histories and neurotypes deserve attention. I do not assume that staying together is the right outcome for every relationship.
Safety and suitability
Joint work requires voluntary participation and freedom from fear.
Both partners need to choose to take part. Some parts may worry that speaking honestly will upset the other person, lead to rejection or start another argument. We make room for those fears and explore what would help each of you feel safer, without expecting worried parts simply to disappear.
We also take seriously what happens outside the session. If someone fears punishment, threats, violence or controlling behaviour for what they share, we need to consider safety and whether joint work is appropriate. Separate support or specialist assessment may be needed. Understanding protective parts includes caring for their concerns and the realities they are responding to.
Explore the approach
A question is enough to begin.
You are welcome to ask whether this support might be right for you. My practice is currently full; enquiries about the waiting list are welcome.